Rubble
A very wise and sweet friend of mine gave me some great encouragement last week. Lately I’ve really felt like a lot of things in my life–things that really even defined who I was–have just been junked. Junked to the point where I feel like a wrecking ball has taken out nearly everything that made me feel ok about life…everything I clung to that gave me hope for the future.
My friend told me that in a Bible study awhile back they’d been studying Haggai, where the temple had been demolished and the people were left despondently staring at rubble. But God promised them that something far more spectacular was going to be built in place of the old temple. My friend talked to me about how she’d been saddened by major changes in her life, and frustrated by expecting that things would be remade exactly as they had been…that things would be restored, and that’s what she wanted because she missed what was now gone. Then she said “I know it’s hard to believe it when you’re staring at the rubble, but I know that God is going to bring you something better.”
I’m definitely there right now, and having been thinking about her words a lot this week. Thinking about how I really HAVE been staring at the rubble, kicking a piece here and there and still finding that there’s nothing left. No foundation to rebuild or to proceed how I’d planned. I literally have no idea what my life will be like this time next year….no idea about job, no idea about location, no idea about a lot of things. It’s hard to believe that things can change or improve. Right now I just feel sad and broken, and pretty lost, staring at the ruined pile of things I was good at, things I loved. But I trust that God is faithful and I know that He loves me. That’s all I have, and probably that’s how it was supposed to be all along. I can appreciate the lesson and the chance to grow, I only wish it didn’t have to hurt this much.