Writer, Photographer,

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and to endure the betrayal of false friends. To appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”

~Ralph Waldo Emerson 

“Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

~C.S. Lewis

An Exercise in Looking at the Bright Side:

~I’m unemployed, but that does leave me time to do things for me: volunteer work, pottery, reading in the tub…

~I lost two kittens from my foster litter, but one of them wasn’t on my watch and the other I got to hold in my hands and sing to as she died. I know there was nothing more I could do, and that I’m saving five other kitties who otherwise had little chance at life.

~Jeremy’s been interviewing for a job in Washington which we were really hoping for, and just found out he didn’t get. BUT we have so many great friends here in California and got an awesome trip to Seattle out of the deal.

~We’re struggling with what to do next, but we’re in a whole lot better shape than a lot of other people out there. We won’t lose our house, we have supportive friends, we’re healthy and have marketable skills and we will find something. We have so much, and others have so little.

In the end, Jeremy and I aren’t scared and hopeless. We’re a little concerned about finding what’s next, but through all this I’ve gained a bit of clarity. What I want more than anything is to have a life made rich by balanced components of each of the following: great friendships, various forms of artistic expression, a supportive marriage, and volunteering my time with animals. That sounds like a pretty great life to me. I think a big spingboard will be my book, and I’m eager to do what I can to see it published. 

And you know what…at least my life isn’t boring, right?

I have some bad news today. We’ve been out of town and left the kittens in the care of the shelter, who gave them to another foster family for the time we were gone. Yesterday I called to see when I could pick them up, and was told that Pocket Mouse had died the day before. I guess she and the runt stopped eating and became really listless, and when taken to the vet were both diagnosed as “failure to thrive.” Because mamma cat was always so thin, she couldn’t give all six kittens the nourishment they needed in the womb. So when they came out into the world it was with weakened bodies, underdeveloped organs. And there was nothing anybody could do.

Life. How delicate, how unpredictable. Pocket Mouse was by far the most active kitten; the most advanced. She loved to just stare up at you with her round, unblinking kitten eyes. She was everyone’s favorite. I’m comforted with the knowledge that in her short life, she was happy and had the best chance possible. She was loved and prayed for, but in the end, she is a reminder that all life is so delicate. 

I’m also grateful that God spared me the experience of being the one to discover listless, dying kittens on my watch. As difficult as this is, I know that would’ve been worse. 

Things aren’t looking great for the runt, and I’m praying for a little bit of a miracle. Because all life matters, even small life.

Just gave blood…

Originally uploaded by Jillmac

I got the new girl today. She stuck me twice!! Boo!

Just felt a little earthquake!