Jillangill is Bummed
Just got a form rejection from the Delacorte contest, and am feeling let down. Not that I really expected to win, it’s just that this whole process is so very different from what I initially thought it would be. I remember when I’d first finished writing the first draft of Sweet Tea for Frankenstein…I walked around in the world feeling like I had this very cool secret–something that made me stand out from the crowd if only in my own mind–I’d written a book. This thought was something I fell back on when life handed me other disappointments. I had no idea the toil and struggle that would follow.
And now I know, and am still in the middle of it. Somewhere along this road of relentless rejection and hopeless dead-ends, doubt has crept in and burrowed in my heart. The path has become something of a slow trudge that won’t necessarily yield anything, and I’m wondering what there is to learn from all of this. I do believe that God has placed in me a desire to share through writing, and I’m really happy with the book I’ve written. But there’s something so very passion-numbing about this process of knocking on a door and wishing with all my heart, only to have rows and rows of doors that have been closed. Doors that gave me hope and seemed so promising…closed. I can’t say it hasn’t taken its toll. I can’t say that each “no” doesn’t threaten to steal more and more of my joy in what I’ve written. I sometimes wonder if there will be a final straw: something that breaks me and kicks me so hard that I just won’t get back up.
More than anything, I still wish I was the same girl who walked around so thrilled–feeling so hopeful and excited–about having written this book. I wish I still felt special, instead of feeling like just another voice in the background.
March 17th, 2009 at 10:44 am
aww… I’m sorry friend… this is sad news indeed. Having read the book, I can assure you that you do have a very cool secret, not just that you wrote a book, but that you wrote a very good book. I know that when the time is right, everything will work out for you.
March 17th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
You always hear about people that- for whatever reason- didn’t get discovered right away. But then someone picks up their work and really SEES it. And then it is introduced to the world everyone ridicules the people who first refused it, wondering how it could be so. Be encouraged, Jill. There are those of us who believe in you and your abilities.
March 20th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
I agree with both Ryan and Kim! You are an amazing writer. Don’t let this rejection keep you from writing and sharing your next master piece.