Writer, Photographer,

That’s for you, Matt!

Originally uploaded by Jillmac

Birthday!!

Originally uploaded by Jillmac

Emerald

The kittens are now 3 days old. I just love how their little ears are just flaps, and how their tails stick straight out as they take their first tentative steps on their stout, wobbly legs. I named them after precious stones: Ruby, Topaz, Emerald, Opal, and Sapphire.

Mamma and babies are doing just fine, and I’m thrilled that this fostering experience seems like it’ll be a great deal easier than my last.

Here are some more kitten pictures: http://www.flickr.com/photos/62111440@N00/?saved=1

In other news, today is my birthday (Golden Birthday: turning 26 on the 26th), and I’m going to Disneyland! For free! It’s pretty much the best thing ever.

My grand-kittens were just born!
This is Bullseye, a mamma cat Jeremy and I have been fostering. She JUST had babies this morning!! They’re beautiful…such vibrant colors!

Mamma did great, kittens seem very healthy to me–YAY!

Just got a form rejection from the Delacorte contest, and am feeling let down. Not that I really expected to win, it’s just that this whole process is so very different from what I initially thought it would be. I remember when I’d first finished writing the first draft of Sweet Tea for Frankenstein…I walked around in the world feeling like I had this very cool secret–something that made me stand out from the crowd if only in my own mind–I’d written a book. This thought was something I fell back on when life handed me other disappointments. I had no idea the toil and struggle that would follow. 

And now I know, and am still in the middle of it. Somewhere along this road of relentless rejection and hopeless dead-ends, doubt has crept in and burrowed in my heart. The path has become something of a slow trudge that won’t necessarily yield anything, and I’m wondering what there is to learn from all of this. I do believe that God has placed in me a desire to share through writing, and I’m really happy with the book I’ve written. But there’s something so very passion-numbing about this process of knocking on a door and wishing with all my heart, only to have rows and rows of doors that have been closed. Doors that gave me hope and seemed so promising…closed. I can’t say it hasn’t taken its toll. I can’t say that each “no” doesn’t threaten to steal more and more of my joy in what I’ve written. I sometimes wonder if there will be a final straw: something that breaks me and kicks me so hard that I just won’t get back up.

More than anything, I still wish I was the same girl who walked around so thrilled–feeling so hopeful and excited–about having written this book. I wish I still felt special, instead of feeling like just another voice in the background.